October 1 is my birthday, and week before last I celebrated my 44th year of life (I know that’s really hard to believe because I don’t look a day over 34! Let’s just say I have excellent genes! LOL!!). Anyway, it occurred to me that statistically speaking, I’ve lived more than half of my life. A bit morbid to think about I realize but for me, birthdays are a time to reflect on life – accomplishments, priorities, family, friends, bucket lists, blessings.
That being said, there’s something that I’ve wanted to do for a while now, and I’m pretty sure the reason I haven’t done it is because I fear rejection or failure. Frankly, in my opinion, that just isn’t a good reason Not to do something. You see, this bucket list “thing” I have in my heart isn’t even something I conjured up in my mind on my own. It really just grew there after the seed was planted by the Lord many years ago. I’ve even asked the Lord numerous times to remove it, but He hasn’t.
The funny thing is that of all the things I’ve ever wanted or dreamed of doing, this was never one of them … until about eight years ago. And honestly, it’s really even difficult for me to talk about it, say it out loud or type it in a blog post. But … I’m not getting any younger, AND it’s the year of #44. So … it’s time.
So what’s my big bucket list secret? Write a book. That’s right! Write a book. Why is that sooooo difficult for me to wrap my mind around you may be wondering? Well … it’s not the writing of the book that freaks me out. It’s the, “what do I do with it once it’s written” that makes me feel sick. I mean, what are the odds of doing anything with it? Do you know how difficult it is to “get published?” Do I even what to “get published?” Does anyone (other than a few friends and my family) even care what I have to say in this book? Honestly, who knows! I haven’t a clue! And what about rejection? Who wants to be rejected and told that this thing you poured your heart and soul into isn’t what their looking for or isn’t good enough or won’t sell enough or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!!!!!
That being said, God has placed it on my heart and out of sheer obedience, I am committing to use the year of #44 to write the thing! And well … whatever God wants to do with it, so be it. I’m not going to limit God. I’m not going to project what may or may not happen. I’m going to, as George Mueller said, “Get to a place where I have no will of my own in the matter.”
WOW! #44 is liberating! And so is deciding to be obedient to God. After I made this decision (and it only took me … never mind, I’m not telling you how many years it took me to commit to this.) I felt free. Free to write, free to fail, free to just tell my story and rest in it!
So … you can be my accountability. Ask me when you see me or when you post comments on my blog … “How’s the book coming, Jacqueline?” Hold me to this. I can promise you that before October 1, 2015, this project will be complete!
Here’s to the year of #44!